See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. Then the priest asked, irish slang words, jokes, funny irish images, irish memes, irish sayings, irish slang terms, irish phrases and more. Paddy is driving past murphy s house one day and notices a sign in his garden saying. One day, mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Mar 5, 2016 our humor blog post a wide range of funny adult jokes ranging from funny dirty jokes, pictures, funny adult cartoons comics to funny ecards.
Excuse me sir, he starts, but i noticed you look just like me. His has to convince his high school sweetheart to sell her book store. Funny benefit jokes and pictures meme collection ofcourse a company needs to make a profit. Go read another article on the internet and let the rest of us have our fun. Paddy and murphy are havin a paddy and murphy are havin a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the tv. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Murphy s lesser known laws light travels faster than sound. Paddy and murphy are walking in the jungle by a river and see a mans head sticking out of a crocodile, paddy says to murphy look at that flash twat in his lacoste sleeping bag staceface uploaded 01282009.
Two irishmen, patrick murphy and shawn obrian grew up together and were lifelong friends. Father murphy walks into a pub in donegal, and says to the first man he meets, do you want to go to heaven. According to a new book, eddie murphy once kept his brother out of a war zone by promising to write quips for thensen. This belongs in the introduction to ye grand olde book of dirty jokes. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. You have to be ready to adapt to the situation at any moment. Paddy and the bus joke adult jokes, dirty jokes, funny. Whenever an englishman, a scotsman and an irishman get together there will either be a joke or a donnybrook. Paddy is walking down the street eating a bag of doughnuts, he meets murphy who says can i have a doughnut if i can guess how many is in the bag. He stops his car and knocks on his mate murphys house.
I was on a job a few days ago and my homie got shot in the face. Jun 6, the funniest and most ridiculous irish jokes you will find online. The search for funny irish jokes is a personal one. Aug 23, 2010 a friendly paddy and murphy joke every one will like. Oct 10, 2008 paddy and murphy went out one day and each bought a pig. Apr 12, 2017 the news of comedy icon charlie murphy s passing took the world by surprise after learning that he lost his ongoing battle with leukemia on wednesday morning april 12, fans of the comedian. Ya havent got a boat, yuv only got a traktor and a caravan. Murphy says, well paddy, ill cut one a ta ears off my pig, and ten we can tell em apart. The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. If you get it right you can have both of them replies paddy. Obrien said, theres one way we could figure it out. Dont be irreplaceable, if you cant be replaced, you cant be promoted.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says this is for the flowers. Oct 26, 2012 the irish joke book is a comprehensive set of jokes about the irish. If you dont need it and dont want it you can have tons of it. Here are a few of our favorites that truly deliver the laugh. Paddy says, murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat. An englishman, a scotsman and an irishman were discussing close races in the pub. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who dont. Paddy otoole had been frequenting the same pub for decades. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and mick to the local hospital. Paddy and murphy on a building site joke what others are saying. The irish can laugh at themselves and wont mind these, or should i say dese, jokes. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Irish jokes jokes funny jokes clean jokes funny jokes. The ten best irish jokes on the internet newscomau.
Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders. Paddy jokes, paddy murphy, irish movies, dark jokes, irish quotes, irish eyes are smiling, whiskey drinks, one liner, twisted humor. For the past 30 days, i have been sharing an irish joke every day on my facebook page to be honest, i wasnt sure what kind of reaction they would get, surprisingly the jokes reached over 1 million people so i thought it would be only fair to include these irish jokes in a big blog post. The funny tale of omalley and the scuba diver even though omalley was a licensed scuba diver, he finally got an answer to a question that had annoyed him for decades. Top 30 of the funniest irish jokes that guarantee you a laugh. Here are 5 of the very best irish jokes that will get the whole bar laughing. To which murphy replies, if they fell forwards theyd still be in the flippin boat. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free. Charlie murphy is perhaps best known for being the older brother of legendary actorcomedian eddie murphy. Jan 01, 20 this entry was posted in jokes and tagged humour, irish humour, irish jokes, jokes, paddy, paddy humour, paddy jokes.
I might have shoved them up my arse for all the good they done. Paddy, said murphy, how does it happen that when you drink, you cant remember peoples names. Paddy rings his new girlfriends doorbell, with a big bunch of flowers. This entry was posted in jokes and tagged humour, irish humour, irish jokes, jokes, paddy, paddy humour, paddy jokes. As a result, we have developed a reputation for our sense of humour worldwide.
Dont be silly, says paddy, you must have a vase somewhere. Paddy says to murphy im gonna have the day off, im gonna pretend im mad. Well, said paddy, after i had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so i continued dancing. Eddie murphy movie quotes tower heist 2011 slide slide. Mick picked it up to his face and said to paddy jez, that look like sean to which paddy replied no sean was taller than that grant me a sense of humor, lord, the saving grace to see a joke, to win some happiness from life. Paddy and murphy are working on a building site funny irish jokes. Murphy, whats dis, yuv got a sign up sayin boat for sale. May 20, 2007 paddy and murphy was walking down the road when paddy noticed a mirror on the floor. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. They put them into books and sell them to englishmen, i said. This entry was posted in jokes and tagged humour, irish humour, irish jokes, joke s, paddy, paddy humour, paddy jokes. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
Paddy says to murphy, im gonna have the day off, im gonna pretend im mad. Well, i fixed her bike and be jaysus she takes her knickers off, lies on the ground and says, take what you want big boy. The official irish joke book the official jewish joke book 2 books in one larry wilde on. A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. Murphy calls to see his mate, paddy, who is bedridden with a broken leg.
They arrive at the bridge and remember that they can only use their hands, but the bridge is a good few metres high. In fact, charlies introduction to show business came after. The other man shouted up now, now to his friend who promptly pulled him up. Murphy took the mirror off him and look at into the mirror and said of course you know who it is. A few hours later, paddy passes murphy on the girls bike. Paddy on death row gets the choice to be shot, hung or injected with the aids virus. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, i cant help but.
The sae legend of paddy murphy the total frat move archive. During paddy murphy week, some hold paintball matches as a nod to the fabled warehouse shootout. Paddy and mick are two irishmen working at the local sawmill. However, i have no doubt that many people will be offended by the irish jokes on this page. Some hold games for sororities to compete in, the winner receiving a large donation to their charity of choice a nod to the several women who claimed to be the rightful heirs to murphy s fortune. A week later shamus was surprised to see paddy had another black eye. All of a sudden, paddy and murphy sail in an absolute unit of a storm, and water begins to pour into the boat. Funny gags, witty wisecracks and hilarious oneliners for lovers of irish humour by obrien, cormac isbn. Many short irish jokes are about the differences between men and women.
If you enjoy clever wit, a bit of irreverence, mixed with a keen sense of the ironic irish jokes are very likely to tickle your funny bone. So paddy climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts im a light bulb, im a light bulb. Paddy and murphy are working on a building site funny irish. The army general says, alright, ill prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Patricks day jokes st patricks day crafts for kids jokes for kids kid jokes jokes and riddles luck of the irish st pattys day book leprechaun. In honour of st patricks day, here are some of the best irish jokes around. The foreman shouts paddy youre mad, go home so he leaves the site. A facebook page that is full of humour, please feel free to write down your own paddy and murphy jokes on this page. Luckily for us, irish folk are more than happy to have a chuckle at themselves so feel free to enjoy in the spirit they were intended and not.
Mick and paddy were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. Murphy and obrien go out into the woods, they come to a clearing and see an abandoned well. Ajokeaday pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week. Murphy s law of the open road when there is a very long road upon which there is a oneway bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that. The closest race i ever saw, said the scotsman, was a horse race, in which a horse, stung by a bee, won by the length of the swelling on his nose. Two men were sitting next to each other at murphys pub in london.
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts im a lightbulb. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. Like most people of irish descent, i love funny irish jokes. One sunny day in ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some guinness, when one turns to the other and says you see that man over there. Father murphy from donegal irish jokes irish phrases and. Good on ye says murphy, im sure the fekin knickers wouldnt fit ya anyway. Paddy and mick were having a few beers at the bar together. Harold, an american tourist, asked his friend murphy, why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats. However, it is our stories and jokes that really get people in stitches.
Murphy said, ok, ill stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth. The foreman shouts, paddy youre mad, go home so he leaves the site. Paddy and murphy decide one fine, sunny day to take their boat out and spend the afternoon fishing. She replies im on my menstrual cycle great says paddy im on my scooter, ill follow you home tell me your irish jokes the joke that. Paddy accidentally sent a naked picture of himself to everyone in his address book. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride. While on his deathbed, patrick called to his buddy, shawn, obrian, come ere. Brendon kelly pokes fun at the irish from the troubled times of the 1980s through to the irish of today, still in global recession like the rest of us. The stewardess asked the muslim if hed like a drink. Operator asks, how many people are flying with you. The official irish joke book the official jewish joke book 2 books in one. Read through them, have a laugh, then share your own.
Paddy and murphy went out one day and each bought a pig. Murphy and obrien hunting misc jokes joke of the day. The official irish joke book the official jewish joke book. Paddy and murphy are working on a building site funny irish jokes our humor blog post a wide range of funny adult jokes ranging from funny dirty jokes, pictures, funny adult cartoons comics to funny ecards, memes, fails. Paddy says, yes but its for dry hair and ive just wet mine.
334 1398 151 545 715 1259 113 1325 1006 1415 1091 1157 1278 1484 1532 744 5 1449 1192 1386 1552 180 1032 888 66 972 1489 140 702 444 295 813 979 844 1045 234 132 147 163 239 766 1102 232 1178 713 464 917 55